In my previous post I hinted about how going through traditional tradesmen like living was something that I was considering and how I wanted to build something. Well, it actually happened:
It might seem weird and really out of place, a guy who can’t keep focused on anything more than a few months, suddenly now trying to go the oldskool tradesman route…but my friends, it’s actually been playing out far longer than you (or even I) realize…
- History with Timber
- Mid-life Crisis
- Realization
- Action + REACTION
- Vibe Woodshopping
- After All These Years
History with Timber#
In the year 19XX, Miri, Sarawak. A young fat kid called Fabian was exposed to a saw for the first time in his life. He was 10. It was the wood shop class (Kemahiran Hidup in the local lingo). His teacher started demonstrating the basic 2 stroke engine action needed to cut through a scrap piece of plywood.
The rest is history.
That first experience with woodworking literally changed my life. Besides all the other nonsense being taught in school, this was my favourite subject from when I was 10 all the way to finishing secondary school. I just had a weird fondness with the ability to cut, shape, and assemble wood into so many different forms.
This fondness died for a good number of years as I went to university and started working after, but the inner-craftsman in me never did. I went on building stuff with metal, electronics, and other materials I could find, but it never did give me the same satisfaction of shaping dead trees as if they were pieces of Lego.
Thinking back, it was truly one of the many things during childhood that really shaped who I am today. I never did realize it until last year when everything kind of…well, halted.
Mid-life Crisis#
Burnt out with family problems, lying to myself about how I loved doing what I was doing even though I was rotting inside, I was turning into the worst human being I had ever experienced. I was venting my anger towards my wife and kids, depending more and more on alcohol to numb my senses, exhausted to the point where I was literally thinking about ending everything.
Then I lost my job.
After holding everything together for 5 years, the cracks finally broke through. I couldn’t control my emotions, bottling up everything so badly that the dam burst under all the pressure. I literally broke me from the inside.
I went for counselling/therapy. Went on a trip to do what I wanted, not just as a designated driver. I was burning through all my savings at insane speeds that even a small speed bump was enough to bring me crashing down all over again. That would be the worst case scenario but somehow, I was wholeheartedly wishing for it to happen. One master stroke to end it all.
Then I looked at my kids.
What will they become if they grew up without their father? This very same father that has spent more of their lifetime with them than 90% of working class dads will ever spend with their kids? (Thanks Work-From-Home)
I love my kids.
The thought of it reeled me back to reality.
The extreme compounding anxiety starts revving non stop in my head:
Imagine this entire inner monologue running through your mind, through your body, through your entire consciousness, over and over again, day after day, for weeks and months…and years.
That is exactly my brain works and this is exactly how I felt.
The extremity of the thoughts came at me like your average schizophrenic multiple personality disorder peon in the looney bin.
Then it came.
Honestly I was hoping it would hit me like a truck that could isekai me to a fantasy land full of comedy but it didn’t. Rather, it came slowly and unassuringly, uncomfortably in the background, enveloping all the noise in my head with it.
Realization#
Like any person who was trying to figure things out at 40 when you’ve lost everything and are running on fumes, I was trying to find meaning in anything that would make me happy. I was soul-searching in all the wrong places in hopes that one of them would be the right place.
Honestly, I don’t know why it’s called soul-searching…that’s a really dumb phrase isn’t it? I mean, how impossible is it to search for a soul? Like I don’t even know what the damn thing looks like!
Anyway, I ventured into doing YouTube videos, having had quite a number of years of video editing and storytelling experience through the years. Started doing MOBA videos on Mobile Legends, moved on to its competitor, Honor of Kings, and eventually got tired of all the toxicity that came along with competitive gaming that I ended up pivoting entirely, starting with livestreams on those games…and then I looked back to the first video I did on the channel back in 2008:
At the same time, I also realized that I was just chasing clout. I wasn’t really being honest with myself. I had grown numb to the fact that I was just pleasing everyone all the time that I had really forgotten everything that I truly love. I didn’t love playing MOBA as much as I loved JRPGs and fighting games. Hell DOTA2 was and STILL IS a game that I would never pick up on my own to play unless a friend invited me for a fun round with some other friends. In the same fashion, I was just playing MLBB and HOK just to make videos that I thought I would enjoy doing for a long time but I never really wanted to.
What made it worse was that I was watching a lot of YouTube videos about “figuring out the algorithm” or “growth hacking” your channel. All those “scaling up on youtube” and “making it big on youtube” were all based on the core assumption that you actually loved making videos on your niche and you could do it for a long time.
I drank the Kool-Aid like a junkie on crack cocaine.
I realized half a year later that never did see that with MOBAs. Like I was just doing it for the sake of doing it, and when I moved on to Honor of Kings videos, the fact that my views dropped with every move I made across the competing titles in the space eventually beat this TRUTH into me: I only casually liked these games…not enough for me to live and breathe them into my youtube channel.
And this same realization not only hit me in this direction, but in a bunch of other ones junctures as well…
Action + REACTION#
I pivot my youtube channel in early 2026, moving more towards what I had a deep and true connection with - JRPGs, Fighting games, and Music of games. I grew up with these games and the fond memories of teenage nerdom in the face of pseudo jocks and people who didn’t truly understand anime at the time came flooding back and I was deep in nostalgia land. Looking at the bygone years with rose tinted glasses.
I started spending quality time with my wife and kids.
I was excited to start things up again, knowing very well that they would fail in the first attempt.
I finally got the “hate” of coding out of my system. (I was literally detoxing myself of anything to do with code. I couldn’t even bring myself to install VSCode or even open up my github page for a good part of 6 months. It was THAT BAD.)
After breaking through that barrier, I got myself up and running again, built this website and the blog that you’re reading now (wherever in the world you are, whoever you are…thank you!) and even started looking for jobs again to fill the time in between the neuronic chain reaction in my thinking space.
I then got off my fat butt to start shovelling the 5 tons of gravel left over from my last house renovation.
My hands and soul were itching to make something. Anything. And as I cleared up all the weeds that were around the gravel, I saw it.
There lay the mango tree that was cut down and thrown into the nearby jungle. I examined the wood. Besides looking worn out and overgrown with weed, it was fine. Perfect for making simple stools and basic furtniture.
The artisan in me woke up, and this time, I had AI on my side…
Vibe Woodshopping#
Now, I already had all the basics of woodworking and knowledge of how to work my way from pieces of wood to furniture. However, what I wanted to do next was a whole different level of skill I had never learned. If I had the books with all the information, I could learn everything I needed to do this…
But this is 2026, my dudes and dudettes: we got AI for that.
So I vibed with AI, learning how to handle biological warfare with raw mango/bucida wood, all the way to what I plan to do with these pieces: Yakisugi treated, laminated, natural looking benches, stump stools, and all manner of cool looking furniture and ornaments.
Man, is it a learning experience. AI taught me about the different types of wood, tier-listed them according to hardness, resilience towards critters, and how attractive it would be for all manner of bugs to destroy and chew through.
I never knew how long it took to treat raw timber like this (fyi, it’s anywhere from 2 to 6 months depending on airflow, humidity, thickness of each cut, type of wood, etc). The fact that the chosen type of treatment compound affects each future stage of processing also came into play and it was really eye-opening how much work goes into the treatment as compared to shaping and finishing the timber.
I’m no stranger to shaping, forming and finishing wood pieces with treated pieces of plywood or any kind of wood for that matter, but treating these things is something I’m a complete novice at. In my first 2 weeks alone, I had to battle fungal infections, various invasive borer insect species, and all manner of biohazards that I didn’t know whether I was actually doing carpentry or intensive pest control.
It’s no wonder all the artisanal hand-crafted pieces of furniture cost so much. Much like how Wagyu is so prized due to the care and time taken to raise each cow, the preparation and treatment of each slab of timber is the same: you have to let the wood dry with time, wiping and treating it with compounds like wood vinegar or boric acid to prevent fungal and critter infections, and let the pieces take form with time, love, and dedication.
The result?…
After All These Years#
Well, I’m not there yet, but similar to how the marbling on Wagyu beef looks, the treated timber will have the same “marbling” called spalting lines, and that is the endgame. The natural character of the wood alongside the elements through its lifetime and months of treatment is what makes the prospect of these natural timber pieces so worthwhile and exciting for me. I’m already seeing some of the in-progress results and I can’t wait for the next few months of treatment to see what becomes of my pieces out here in my open air factory right here in my front porch.
Overall, I’m feeling a lot better now as a human being. I’ve stopped looking at social media constantly and having daily imposter syndrome episodes. feel good about myself just doing what I love, outside of the noise amplification machine that is the internet.
Sometimes, all it takes is to get in touch with your inner being, and be completely truthful to yourself, not constantly seeing yourself in the eyes of others.
Yes, just be a bit selfish and think of yourself once in a while. The exact same principle of when the air pressure drops in a plane and you need to put your mask on (i.e. save yourself first) before helping others.
As much as religion or society tells you otherwise, put your needs first before others, and you will see the brighter side of life. And live on…
Perspective. Self love.
I need to learn more from these Gen-Z kids. They seem to have got it right.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. KTHXBAI.
-Fab